9 ways to escape an abusive partner without losing your life

Escaping an abusive relationship is a highly dangerous situation that requires careful planning and execution to ensure your safety.

Statistics reveal that many women who leave abusive partners face an elevated risk of being stalked, harassed, or even killed by their ex-partners.

It’s important to recognise the signs early and take decisive actions to protect yourself before the situation escalates. If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner poses a threat to your life, here are essential steps to take to escape without losing your life:

1. Inform the police immediately

The first step in protecting yourself is alerting law enforcement. Report your situation to the police and ensure they have a detailed record of the abuse.

This will establish a legal trail in case further action is needed, and it can be critical in securing restraining orders or pressing charges. Keep copies of all the reports, and make sure someone trustworthy is aware of your situation.

2. Change your residence and don’t tell anyone

Once you've made the decision to leave, one of the most important steps is to change your living situation. Move to a new, undisclosed location that your abuser is unaware of, and avoid telling anyone, even close friends or family, unless you fully trust them. Loose lips can be dangerous, and it’s essential to keep your whereabouts a secret.

3. Apply for a transfer or quit your job

If your abuser knows where you work, it can be a place where they may track you down. Consider applying for a transfer to a different branch or quitting your job altogether if it means ensuring your safety.

While this can be a hard decision, your life is more valuable than your current employment. If possible, try to secure a new job in a location far from your former workplace.

4. Create a safety plan

Develop a thorough safety plan detailing how you will leave and what actions you will take if your abuser tries to find you. This could include packing an emergency bag with essential items (money, identification, clothes, medication) and keeping it hidden.

Memorise safe routes to places you can flee to if needed, such as police stations or shelters.

5. Use technology safely

Many abusers use technology to stalk and track their victims. Be sure to turn off location sharing on your phone, or any social media apps, and be extra careful of what you post on.

Consider changing your phone number, email address, and any online accounts that your abuser may have access to. If possible, use a new phone and create new, secure passwords to avoid being traced.

6. Seek support from a shelter or support group

Domestic Violence and Victims' Support (DOVVSU) provides not only physical safety but also emotional support and legal assistance. They can offer safe housing, legal advice on restraining orders, and help with job searches or education if needed.

Connecting with a support group can also help you cope emotionally and provide resources you may not be aware of.

7. Get a restraining order

If you feel that your life is in immediate danger, apply for a restraining order against your abuser. This legal document will prevent them from contacting or coming near you and violating it can lead to immediate arrest.

Make sure to carry a copy with you at all times and provide one to the police and your close friends or family members.

8. Build a support system

Surround yourself with people who can offer support and safety. While it may seem counterintuitive, it's vital to have a few trusted individuals who know about your situation and can act as a lifeline.

They can check on you regularly, help you create an emergency exit plan, or even provide a safe space in case of an emergency.

9. Stay alert and trust your instincts

Once you’ve escaped, it’s essential to stay vigilant. Abusers often attempt to manipulate or control their victims even after they’ve left the relationship.

Pay attention to any unusual activity or messages, and always trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, take action immediately and seek help.

Escaping an abusive relationship is never easy, but your safety and survival are worth every effort. By taking these precautions, you can significantly reduce the risk and start a new life free from fear and violence.

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