My uncle Ganyaglo whose liver is already scattered as a result of persistent intake of some over the counter medications and excessive intake of alcohol came to visit me last Sunday.
This man cannot and is not working o, yet he is praying for long life. For who to feed him? Me? Hahaaaaa! The man doesn’t know my problems are bigger than his. If they say ‘family is everything’, it is not this one o! Hmmm!
Me watching TV:
Shatta Wale [SW]: ‘Mr Speaker, whaaaat? you no go call me make I talk? My hands have been up since’. Why? Weytin I do again?
Honourable Speaker [HS]: ‘Honourable Member, please you have the floor now but please use the microphone’
SW: Abeg, wey can microphone? No be say I dey come sing for here o.
HS: I mean the microphone in front of you. Just switch it on and proceed with your submission, Hon Member.
(Shatta stands up)
SW: Mr Speaker e bi like say I forget the thing I won talk sef o, Mr Speaker. Please make somebody remind me er, or make we do am next week, aloo? If I remember, I go come back.
HS: Honourable Member, we would come back to you later then i.e. when you remember what you’d actually wanted to say.
SW: Yesa! Mr Speaker. Thank you very much. For now di33, you can let Hon Jomelu talk.
HS: But Hon Jomelu has not indicated that he was going to make any comment. Honorable Member, why this aspersion being cast on your colleague, Hon Member?
SW: Mr Speaker, I think he would by all means have something to say. I know him; he has to say something to support the arts. If he doesn’t want to say anything, then let’s close er, Mr Speaker because my constituents are waiting for me to come and build road and toilets for them.
Me I no get nothing. I don’t even know how to construct roads but they say they want roads. Me I am here to make laws to support the creative arts o. Weytin concern me with road sef? If I know say e bi so the thing dey, like I no go contest sef! Ah! Why I go bring problem come my body sef? Anyway, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life otherwise like I no go get here saf! Weytin be this, Mr Speaker? Like I for dey ‘my level’. Ah!
HS: Hon Member, order, order, order. I say order la, Hon Shatta Marley, sorry I mean Hon Shatta Wale!
(Shatta rages on himself while the entire House seemed to be enjoying the entertainment he was providing)
SW: Mr Speaker, I think that that law that says that if somebody do something make e pay ‘apenatis’ of Fiftey million old Ghana cedis nu, make we review the law again, Mr Speaker. My constituents no fit pay. I vex roff.
HS: Hon Shatta, please which law exactly are you referring to?
SW: Mr Chairman, sorry Mr Speaker, I no know sef but I go remember next week if you give me the chance, I go kai!
Shatta back to his constituents:
SW: You people, all of you bring me back the money I give you during the campaign before I come chop MP. That be my last money o. I broke wey I dey here. I broke roff. You no know, you people all!
Hahaaa! It’s weekend again and it is time we took it easy on ourselves. Nothing serious in this Useless Column abstract. It is just a collection of unnecessary satiric thoughts such as the above and below.
It was a dream I had last night when I got a bit tipsy after some ‘adoka’ distin as an appetizer.
You are welcome to the Useless Column where everything is satirically blended in unnecessary euphemism! But remember – don’t read!
Was in a few countries in the past ten years and almost everyone I encountered knew about Shatta Wale, interestingly for his craft and charisma and not the other things that eyi….
I recall circa 2014 when I was driving on the ring road in Accra. The traffic congestion was super dense! I noticed a lot of big guys stuck in the gridlock ahead but nobody really seemed to be in a hurry.
So I asked what was happening only to be told that it’s because they had seen Shatta Wale enter a banking hall and that they were waiting to see him come out so they could catch a glimpse of him. Ei! Really? Shatta? Anyway, let me confess that I was also interested in seeing the persona called Shatta Wale.
I didn’t know Shatta is big like that o. ‘Aka nia aka’ ( to wit: ‘it is only left with what is left’) and he would be such a huge ‘export’ for Ghana. The closest I came to him tells me he is a shy guy but his videos? Ajeeeei! “Whort?”
He would scream but often would not know what exactly he is screaming about. Other musicians, who you may see as being in competition with him are actually some of his best friends. Just like our politicians do – the colours green and blue are more together than one can imagine! They are the best of friend. Dey there and be getting emotional about every political issue – you are on your own!
‘Juju can only cure malaria` that is according to Shatta Wale in an October 2018 interview on Joy FM. He opined that apart from God, any other thing is a waste of time. Shatta was so real and admitted he had consulted juju plenteyyyyyy times and it did not help him until he turned to Jehovah God Himself.
How many of us can be that blunt on radio? Some people secretly consult juju when they realise that the one they want to get ‘finished’ by God is not ‘going’ early enough and believe juju can do that faster. Some people cannot wait for God’s time (Isaiah 60:22) to do the needful and then resort to juju with the thinking that juju is a catalyst that can fast-track the process of ‘finishing’ their detractors or people they simply envy and some others for success. Shatta said it all. Herh, the way Ghana would be sweet if we learn to tell ourselves the truth this way er, asuwear!
My people, please don’t be assuming what I assume sometimes o. I read in an unknown book that ‘assumptions are the most lethargic form of human intelligence’. Assumptions no good. It is akin to using one’s tongue to count his or her own teeth! You may never get it correct.
According to ‘WhatsApp Business Assistant’, Shatta Wale is a Ghanaian musician, entrepreneur, and actor known for his energetic performances, chart-topping hits, and bold personality. Born Charles Nii Armah Mensah Jr. in Accra, Ghana, he rose to fame with his unique blend of dancehall, reggae, and Afrobeat styles.
Growing up in Accra, Shatta Wale was exposed to diverse cultural influences, including reggae, dancehall, and hiplife music. He began his musical journey as a teenager, performing under the name “Bandana” before rebranding to Shatta Wale.
Shatta Wale’s breakthrough came with hits like “Dancehall King” and “My Level” and won numerous awards. Shatta Wale is one of Ghana’s most successful and charismatic musicians and he is a philanthropist too but…
I can’t wait for the next Shattafest where the likes of Samini would grace the occasion again as well as Blakk Rasta! These are some of the guys Shatta would ‘fight’ on social media and the next time, you would see them together.
Christmas is coming and I am expecting the next Shattafest where the BIM Nation President would join him on stage to perform together. Awwwww! I can already feel the goose bumps you are feeling knowing how nice this would be! Together, we are one people!
See you in Parliament in 2029, SM 4 Life!
The post Useless Column with Mawuli ZOBGENU: ‘Shatta Wale’s first day in Parliament’ appeared first on The Business & Financial Times.
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