5 crucial places you should never take your side chick to

Chale, navigating the streets of Accra with a side chick is not for the faint of heart. It's a high-stakes game of hide-and-seek, where one wrong turn can lead to a family palaver and a public matter that will be the talk of the town.

This is not a guide on how to be a better person; that's a different article entirely.

This is a guide to avoiding a public showdown, a forensic breakdown of the places you should, under no circumstances, take your mistress.

1. Your Regular Chop Bar or Waakye Joint

Listen, everyone has their favourite spot—that small, unassuming place where they get their ampesi and kontomire, or the roadside waakye joint where the rice is always on point. This is your personal sanctuary, and it is a one-way ticket to trouble if you take your side chick there.

The waakye seller knows you. The 'pure water' seller knows you. They know your usual order, and they probably know your wife. The moment you walk in with a different woman, the gossip machine is already warming up. That rumour will travel faster than a 'trotro' during rush hour.

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2. Any Family-Related Venue

This should be obvious, but some people get bold. Never, ever take a mistress to a funeral, a family wedding, a naming ceremony, or even your regular Sunday service.

The scrutiny from your family, friends, and elders is a sure-fire way to get exposed. Your mother's friend who saw you will not hesitate to have a word with her about the new face you brought to the event. The matter will not end well.

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3. That Familiar Barber Shop or Hair Salon

Your hair is a private matter, but the people who fix it are not. The barber who cuts your hair knows your usual schedule. The stylist at the salon where your main madam gets her braids done knows her favourite colour and what time she usually comes in.

You might think it's a quick, easy trip, but these small, community-focused businesses are gossip factories. Someone who knows you will see you, and the next thing you know, the barber will be giving your wife a free trim while dropping hints about a “new customer” he saw you with.

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4. That Popular Nightclub or Pub

The nightlife scene in Accra is a world of its own, but it’s a small one. While the music is loud and the drinks are flowing, the chances of running into someone you know are extremely high. Your partner's friends, your colleague's siblings, or even that one family friend who loves to party—all of them are potential witnesses.

A night of good vibes can quickly turn sour if a friend of your main madam spots you and tags her in a photo of the dance floor. The interconnected social circles are a tight web, and a public location like a club is a guaranteed way to get caught in it.

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5. A Relative's House Without an Invitation

In Ghanaian culture, visiting a relative’s house, especially for a Sunday lunch or a casual chat, is a regular activity. But taking your side chick to your cousin's house without their prior knowledge is a huge risk. They might see it as a sign of disrespect, or worse, they might accidentally bring it up to your main partner in a casual conversation, thinking everyone knows.

The shock and disappointment on your relative’s face alone will tell the whole story. The assumption of trust with a family member is too high, and it can backfire spectacularly.

In the end, the cardinal rule of an affair in a place like Ghana is to never create a memory in a location that has any ties to your real life. The safest place to take a side chick is the one you never went to. Because in this country, the streets are watching, and the whispers travel faster than light.

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