Ask Pulse: 'I found out my boyfriend has a secret child after 2 years together. He says he was scared to tell me. Should I leave?'

Dear Pulse, I am broken.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. We’ve built something solid — or so I thought. Recently, I found out he has a child, a little girl he’s been hiding from me the entire time.

He didn’t come clean. I found out through someone else, and when I confronted him, he admitted it. His excuse? He was scared I’d leave if I knew the truth from the start. He says it was a one-time thing with the child’s mother, and that he’s not involved romantically with her. He also insists he’s committed to me, and that he planned to tell me “when the time was right.”

But two years? That’s a long time to keep something this major hidden.

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I’m hurt and confused. It feels like the version of him I’ve loved doesn’t exist — like he’s been acting a role all along. At the same time, I still care about him, and I don’t want to make a decision I’ll regret. My family already know him and he's preparing to come and ask for my hand in marriage. My mom says I should overlook it because I am 32 but I don't feel comfortable.

Should I walk away from this relationship or try to forgive him?

-Sedinam.

READ ALSO: 'I fell out of love after our son was born; Should I divorce her?'

Hello Sedinam,

Thank you for opening up and sharing something so deeply personal. We understand how difficult it must be to process such a discovery, especially when you’ve invested two years of your life into a relationship you believed was built on honesty.

Let’s be clear: hiding a child isn’t a small omission. It’s a major part of someone’s life — one that has direct impact on any long-term partner. His fear of losing you might explain his silence, but it doesn't excuse it.

Relationships are built on trust, not withheld truths.

You now face two truths:

1. He didn’t trust you enough to be honest from the beginning.

2. You still care for him, and your future together is being weighed against that betrayal.

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It’s also understandable that your family, particularly your mum, is urging you to consider your age — but being 32 isn’t a deadline. It’s not too late to choose yourself. Getting married out of pressure or fear of starting over is not the foundation for a peaceful life.

Ask yourself:

• Can you trust him moving forward?

• Do you feel emotionally safe with him now that this has come out?

• Are you genuinely willing to embrace this child and all that comes with it?

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Forgiveness is possible, but only if it comes with changed behaviour, transparency, and a willingness to rebuild what’s been broken. If you’re not at peace, that matters more than anyone else’s timeline for your life. Whether you stay or go, let the decision come from a place of clarity — not pressure, guilt, or fear.

— Pulse

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