Ask Pulse: 10 dates later, she still says she's thinking about it

Ask Pulse is a weekly advice column and a listening ear to help you sort through your issues.

This week on Ask Pulse, we addressing Otua's concerns about where he stands with the woman of his dreams.

Dear Pulse,

I met this woman a few months ago, and she was everything I wanted – a real spec. I expressed my interest in her, and she told me she didn’t know me well enough to accept, which I completely understood at the time. So, I made it a point to communicate with her daily, and we've gone on countless dates over the last six months.

However, whenever I ask her where I stand, she still tells me she’s thinking about it. At this point, I’m beginning to feel like she’s just using me for free meals and has no intention of saying yes. I’m not sure what else she needs to know about me after all this time. Should I treat this as a lost cause and move on, or should I give her more time?

— Mr. Otua

Ask Pulse: She's dating my man but I can't ask her because of how I found out

Dear Mr. Otua,

It sounds like you're in a frustrating situation, and your feelings are valid. Six months of consistent communication and numerous dates should ideally be enough for her to form an opinion about whether she wants to move forward in the relationship. Here are a few points to consider:

1. Assess the balance: Relationships should be reciprocal. If you’re putting in all the effort, constantly planning dates, and paying for meals without seeing any commitment or enthusiasm from her side, it might be time to reevaluate whether she truly values your efforts or just enjoys the attention.
2. Have a direct conversation: Instead of continuing to ask where you stand, consider having an honest, no-pressure conversation with her. Tell her how you feel and ask her for clarity. If she continues to be vague or non-committal, it could be a sign that she’s not as invested as you are.
3. Respect her pace, but value your time: It’s understandable that she wanted time to get to know you, but six months is a significant amount of time. If she’s still unsure after all this time, it may be more about her indecision than anything about you. You deserve someone who is sure about you and willing to commit.

In the end, trust your gut. If you feel like this is becoming a one-sided effort, it might be best to move on and open yourself up to someone who appreciates you from the start. Best of luck.

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