Useless Column with Mawuli Zogbenu: Side chics’ stock market drops; experts worried

The things that you want to stop doing, please don’t say it aloud. Just make a conscious effort to stop them.

You can do it. Whoever thought I would stop chasing ladies with big axles! It all started when I wanted one good ‘meat’ surrounded by soldiers in arsenal uniform.

She was walking alone. Hahaaaa! It was then I realized that it is achievable to have a guy actually not to spend anything on a lady during dating. Of course, the registration fee of ‘I am broke o; since morning I have not eaten anything is normal for momo to flow!

So I met her and she was the type of lady every ‘standard’ man would love to date because she wouldn’t like you to give her money. With time, we got to the movie house where nobody watches any movie at all and in my prepared attempt to do the needful, she made a very strong request before she would allow me to proceed.

But as to whether I could meet it or not, in my mind, I knew it was going to be better to just pay her, wear my boxer shorts and go home. Her request was that she would not take anything from me IF only I am able to make her ‘come’ at least twice. That was all that she wanted.

Yeeeei! In my head, I asked myself: ‘me at this age that I sometimes even struggle to go beyond one minute, you want to ‘come’? ‘Come’ er! hehehe! After ‘everything’ and as to be expected, I couldn’t get her to the promised land. In lieu of that, I paid o because I couldn’t meet the ‘conditions of service’. Me? Mawuli? At age 49, you want me to make you to ‘come’? to where? How?  On this occasion, it is better to pay than to kill yourself trying embark on a mission impossible.

I don’t like aphrodisiacs too because the last time I took some, it took me forever to be released by that concoction especially as it pushed my BP to the point near death. Exercising too is hard. Scientists have not been able to convert jogging and walking into some capsules that we can take. At this age? I can hear some readers insulting me in their heads that I am lazy in exercising. Yes…no problem. I take it like that instead of some small boy in the gym instructor instructing to jump and stand on my head, stretch my legs to take my forehead. What is my crime! Abeg, let’s just live our lives and leave some day peacefully whether we exercise or not.

It’s another weekend again where we are taking things easy. The past two to 3 weeks have not been good for us. It looks like there is some bad wind blowing that we need to pray away. We are able to write and read this not because of our skills and human abilities but only by the grace of God. Let’s continue to thank Him! Halleuya? If you like don’t say AMEN and I will advise you to start being grateful.

You remember those COVID days when some side chics were asking for stimulus package from me? Covid 19 is no longer a big deal anyway and what do I get in return for no lockdown? When COVID visited I had no excuse to go out and come to a movie house where we don’t even watch any movies. At the time my fear was that even if I did, I would be afraid to touch the lady and she too would be afraid to be touched without sanitizer all over my body and face mask.

The ‘thing’ come my appetite but I can only ‘eat it’ at home – the same ‘food’ always. Ah! It comes to your appetite but you have no choice but to ‘manage’ ‘home chow’ like that. Ei, until coro coro, I never knew married men could be that careful.

If it were HIV sef, that one we can ‘discuss’, one can only transfer it to his spouse and then they both die slowly leaving behind innocent young children at the mercy of their siblings who have not even finished taking care of their own children.

But for COVID-19, when one catches it after ‘touching’ a side chic, everyone in the house was going to get it including the children they love so much. No man wants to take such a risk o or?

It is the main reason most of us, sorry, I mean them – those married men who like unnecessary ‘varieties’’ were shying away from their side chics especially those who like coughing and sneezing by ‘hat’!

From my recent survey conducted around guest houses and movie houses and even by the road side, men have started giving lift to some single ladies unlike COVID time when no man wanted to give lift to any lady with big bombom again. They drive alone. I nearly said I drove alone. Thank God I said ‘they’, not me. Hahahahahaha!

Since the lifting of the lockdown, the side eyis were still calling asking for post-lockdown allowance. I would send GHC51, 51, 51, and in some cases GHC100 aaaaaa I taya sef. I was not even picking some calls again.

I used to give those moneys in exchange for ‘something’; now I wa afraid of ‘that thing’ but the person ‘concealing that thing in-between the eyi keeps making demands! The statistics I have shows that the side chic stock market has dropped by 25% from the earlier 84% during COVID. What it means is that men have started misbehaving again.

The good news at the time however, was that families were happier because a chunk of the 84% money was spent at home on children and some wives whose continuous presence can be annoying sometimes especially the jeans wearing ones. But we have no choice but to stay home just to and protect our children and generations.

Ehern which one of these two used to excite you more before and after the Coro Coro?: ‘Awwwww….please let me remove it myself’ or ‘O Sweetie, please go and lock the door first and come’. Hahaaaaaaaa! I think I will rather go for the first one because by the time you finish locking the door first and come back, she can change her mind and that is when men can break anything in sight for being denied ‘toffee’. I nearly said I am speaking from experience but I won’t say it. Me? Experience? No ooo! Thank God Ananias and Safira have carried my cross earlier.

As we enter this weekend, let all men remain in ‘good standing’ by just walking as a form of exercising so that we can pay less as long as we are capable of meeting the ‘conditions of service.

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