Useless Column: ‘Small fingers’

Do you remember that saying that all the fingers are not equal and so it is not a good thing to start comparing yourself to others? But those fingers come together to perform the same function like eating. When eating kenkey and fish, all five fingers are involved. It is the reason society is made like that. Some must be ahead of others but together they achieve their goals. That is it! But mind you, when you want to have problems with your eyes, go into a heated argument with a lady whose finger nails are artificial and long! Next time, you would stay away! Though all the fingers are not equal, the longest one takes the lead when men want to do bad like checking engine oil quality and see how to spark the car. Whatever you are thinking, the small finger is not bothered! After all, who cares!

Do you know the most boring times in marriage? That is when you and your wife are on very good terms for a long time. How? Marriage without fight di3333, that is a webinar! You must fight occasionally so in the house when she is sleeping, you open the door loud and bang it hard just to disturb her sleep. That is your own ‘home theatre’ – make noise and she can only be angry with you in the quiet. Your wife must also occasionally put sugar into your stew instead of salt so that you can vex well and as you vex, she explains or apologises. After all, the white substances in the bottles in the kitchen both look like sugar and salt at the same time. Just drive out of the house without informing her about where you are off to. In the house and in your presence, she picks the phone to be talking to someone and laughing and smiling and saying ‘ajeeeei’ ajeeeei’ and very happy with the person on the other line and you keep wondering why not with you! That is when you will start feeling unnecessarily jealous, angry and you vex the more. You close from work and remove your trousers and ‘wiwi-filled’ boxer shorts and leave it on her part of her bed. She comes, sees it, chuckles and pushes it to your side of the bed. Then one day, as you enter the bedroom, you see her just after taking her bath and bending down to pick something from under the bed. Alla! My brother, at this point forget about that your innate ego and then catch her and enjoy together. This moment is like honeymoon renewal. You would continue to be nice to each other saaa till the fight comes again. It’s a cycle; as you enjoy the reconciliation, endure the fights and see how nice marriage can be. That is marriage! Stay in it; don’t run away. If you ask me what my biggest fear is in life, my answer will be ‘divorce’. I keep praying against it in Jesus’ name! Amen! Hmmm!

I met my ex yesterday o. Ablavi was looking very sweet and we had a nice conversation. I feel like going back since from the conversations, she is available after her last boyfriend disappointed her. But I am afraid o! Hmmm! Your ex and yourself want to come back and you want to agree? Well, first of all make sure her immediate past ex is not a carpenter. After you guys went your separate ways, she went to date a carpenter. Ei! My brother, you cannot meet the new standards set. Though inevitable, you will break up again because you may not be able to have that stamina that carpenter may have o. Carpenters and the way they are able to hold hammer to drive long nails into a 2×6 sapele wood on top of a roof and you think you can match that standard? Have you even climbed a roof before? At least even if her ex is a ‘still berna’ or a plumber, you can manage but your exe’s ex is a carpenter? Chai! Don’t say I didn’t say o, yoo! Good advice to myself especially at this stage in my life that man is struggling to stay ‘upright’.

Thank God it’s another weekend of interesting things happening but I am not happy about the way accidents are happening by hat like that o. May God help us all since many of us continue to drive recklessly on the roads. Sometimes, you are tired but still feel you can make it. You will be sleeping and still driving and still think you can manage. Hmmm! At least if you don’t care about your own life, you owe a duty of care to other people’s breadwinners and relations. Don’t go to heavens gate trying to explain why you accidentally ran into another vehicle maiming and killing people. You go dey explain taya!

Do you remember Sonny, that small boy in my neighborhood who has been coming to wash my car on Saturdays? He has University and doing national service. To God be the glory o! This boy would wash my car and every time he did, I gave him money. One Saturday after washing the car, I only took the car key from him and didn’t give him anything; neither did I say anything apart from ‘THANK YOU’. In less than 5 minutes, I saw him come to pass in front of my house and greeted loudly: ‘Bra Mawuli, good morning’ to which I responded. In another 10 minutes, he came back again greeting, this time louder ‘Bra Mawuli, I say good morning o’. I really didn’t get it; why I should be greeted many times in the morning. Until the 4^th time, I didn’t realize the guy was doing ‘debt recovery’; he wanted his money and had to apply some level of subtlety to get his money for services rendered! Hmmm! Some of today’s youth are just not ready to do anything for free! It’s unfortunate!

If he had lived in a zongo before like I did, he would know that helping elderly people is communal service and an honour to God and part of the growing up process. You’d serve everybody without expecting anything in return. In fact you felt good for washing your neighbour’s car!

As you enter this week, let me warn you o.‘Oh Bra, you can pour it inside because I am in my safe period’ is the ‘agreement’ that creates street children! Go ahead and be ‘pouring and borning’ by heart and become irresponsible. Go ahead and don’t  protect yourself against HIV and unwanted pregnancies.

#Sin fascinates and assassinates!

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