The Attitude Lounge with Kodwo Brumpon: Mirror of the self

“The big game often appears when the hunter has given up the hunt for the day.” Igbo proverb

Research says that the average person spends about a third of their time on earth working. It is probably not surprising that most of our small talk is centred around finding out what people do for work and why the world is increasingly being defined by productivity, deadlines, and the relentless pursuit of success.

This trend is so deep that we start asking people from a young age, what they want to be when they grow up. Interestingly, the answer is expected to be a job title, not a way of being. This cultural narrative has reinforced the idea that work is our primary identity, and leisure is secondary or even indulgent.

The cultural focus on what we do, is important because work allows us to meet our essential needs, and it gives our days structure. From a psychological viewpoint, it gives rhythm to our lives, helping us organise time and set goals. Work challenges us to develop new skills, solve problems, and stretch our capabilities, and it gives us a sense of purpose.

What we do gives us a reason to get up in the morning and a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. For some of us, the workplace is where we build our social bonds and relationships. Work enables us to collaborate and contribute to feel part of a community. And last but not the least, the impact of our work can ripple out far beyond our immediate environment and grant us a legacy.

Despite all these wonderful attributes that what we do grants us, it is a woefully inadequate way of understanding or getting to know people. Let us be frank, how much can we understand about a person from what they do? Almost nothing.

This is because ‘what we do’ is more obligatory than ‘what we value.’ We naturally gravitate towards that latter when we are free from obligations. That is why Aristotle, one of the ancient Greek philosophers argued that the real self can be understood in what we value or what we care about most. This ancient wisdom offers a refreshing and profound perspective on getting to know ourselves and others.

For Aristotle, what we value was not merely the absence of what we do. It was the space in which we cultivate our humanity, nourish our souls, and grow beyond the demands of survival. His argument is that we chose what we value most deeply, and we pursue it in our leisure time, whether that be art, music, philosophy, relationships, or personal development. In this sense, leisure becomes a mirror, reflecting our true priorities, passions, and character. To this end, he concluded that leisure is the highest form of human activity.

But his logic, when we ask others how they spend their free time, we are not just making small talk. We are, in essence, asking: What do you care about when no one is watching? What brings you joy, meaning, and fulfillment? The answers to these questions reveal more about a person than their job title or résumé ever could. Having conversations around what we value does not only grant us the privilege of knowing others, but they lead to transformational activities within ourselves.

Many of us do not think about leisure because modernity has found a brilliant way of equating leisure with entertainment and thus labels it as relaxation or indulging in passive consumption. While there is nothing inherently wrong with relaxation, Aristotle would argue that true leisure is active, not passive. It is about engaging the mind and spirit in ways that elevate us.

This could mean reading a thought-provoking book, learning a new language, painting, gardening, volunteering, or having deep conversations with friends. These activities not only bring pleasure but also contribute to our growth as individuals. They help us develop virtues like patience, empathy, creativity, and wisdom.

The challenge, of course, is that modern life often leaves little room for true leisure. We are conditioned to equate busyness with worth, and rest with laziness. But if we take Aristotle seriously, we must resist this mindset. We must carve out time for the things that feed our souls, even if they do n0t produce immediate results or financial gain. This will empower us to set boundaries around work, unplugging from digital distractions, or simply giving ourselves permission to slow down. It will mean recognising that leisure is not a reward for hard work, but it is the foundation of a meaningful life…

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