6 things you should never say in an argument

Arguments are an inevitable part of any relationship, whether with a partner, friend, colleague, or family member. However, the words you choose in the heat of the moment can have lasting consequences. Some phrases can escalate the situation, damage trust, and make reconciliation much harder.

To ensure your disagreements remain productive rather than destructive, here are six things you should never say in an argument.

1. “You always…” or “You never…”

Using absolute statements like “You always ignore me” or “You never help around the house” can put the other person on the defensive. These exaggerations make it seem like you are disregarding any effort they may have made in the past. Instead, focus on specific behaviours and how they make you feel. For example, “I felt hurt when you didn’t acknowledge my efforts today” is more constructive than “You never appreciate me.”

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2. “Calm down.”

Telling someone to calm down, especially when they are upset, is one of the quickest ways to escalate an argument. It often comes across as dismissive and invalidates their emotions. Instead, acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, “I can see that you’re really upset. Let’s talk about this.” This approach shows empathy and helps de-escalate tension.

3. “It’s not a big deal.”

Minimising someone’s feelings or concerns can make them feel unheard and unimportant. What may seem trivial to you could be deeply significant to them. Rather than brushing it off, try saying, “I didn’t realise this was so important to you. Let’s talk about it.” This shows that you respect their perspective, even if you don’t fully understand it.

4. “You’re just like [someone they dislike].”

Comparing the person to someone they have issues with—whether an ex, a difficult parent, or a toxic boss—can feel like a personal attack. This kind of remark shifts the argument from the issue at hand to a personal insult, making resolution much harder. If you notice a recurring behaviour, discuss it directly without making comparisons.

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5. “Whatever.”

Dismissing the argument with a casual “whatever” or “do what you want” can be infuriating for the other person. It signals that you don’t care enough to continue the conversation, which can be incredibly hurtful. If you need a moment to collect your thoughts, it’s better to say, “I need some time to process this. Let’s revisit the conversation later.”

6. “I’m done.” (When you don’t mean it)

Threatening to end a relationship in the middle of an argument can create unnecessary fear and insecurity. Even if said in frustration, such statements can damage trust over time. Instead, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, express that honestly: “I need a break from this conversation so I can think clearly.” This helps keep the argument from turning into something more destructive.

Arguments don’t have to be toxic or damaging. The key to resolving conflicts effectively is mindful communication. Instead of using words that inflame the situation, aim for understanding and respect. By avoiding these harmful phrases and focusing on productive dialogue, you can strengthen your relationships even in moments of disagreement.

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